Some Bitter but TRUE facts of life:
I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry.
That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.
David Bissonette
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
Sacha Guitry
After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.
Hemant Joshi
By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
Socrates
Woman inspires us to do great things, and prevents us from achieving them.
Dumas
The great question... which I have not been able to answer...is,"What does a woman want?
Sigmund Freud
I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
Anonymous
"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing.. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."
Henny Youngman
"I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years."
Sam Kinison
"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage."
James Holt McGavran
"I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn't."
Patrick
Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you're right, shut up.
Nash
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once..
Anonymous
You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
Henny Youngman
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
Rodney Dangerfield
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
Milton Berle
Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.
Anonymous
A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
Anonymous
First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second Guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
Anonymous
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
"Are You in Heaven or Hell?" By: Coco Fossland
Copyright 2005 Coco Fossland
Through the ups and downs of life, it can seem at times, as though the quality of our lives is dependent on the people, situations, and conditions of the world around us. Yet, to become the powerful creator of our lives, we must be willing to see beyond this short-sighted view of ourselves and our lives.
Whether we are aware of it or not, the choice each of us is constantly making is the choice of picking between heaven or hell. The truth is, every moment, each of us decides. There is no outside force that decides. We choose it every moment.
The comedy is that even though we have the choice -- usually people pick the experience of hell over heaven.
To see whether you are currently living in heaven or hell, look around your life. On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being hell and 10 being heaven, where would you rank your life?
This week, observe your thoughts and words.
How often and about what do you complain?
How often and about what are you disappointed?
At what frequency do you wish things could be different than they are?
How often are others letting you down and not meeting your expectations?
How often are you letting yourself down?
Focusing on complaints, disappointments, should be's, and unmet expectations creates the illusion of hell.
To have a life a bliss, you must be willing to challenge the assumption that the root of our dissatisfaction is really about the complaints and unmet expectations that dribble out uncontrollably out of your mouth.
Step One: Clean up your thoughts and language.
Catch yourself before that same old complaint indomitably burps out of your mouth. Choose your language carefully.
Before you tell yourself, "I have to wash the dishes," notice that you really don't have to. Even if you're at gunpoint -- which I entirely doubt you are -- it's still a choice -- to do the dishes or not.
Adjust your language to be both more accurate and empowering. An example would be, "I choose to wash the dishes now rather than later, because I know how great it feels to walk into a clean kitchen." Step Two: See the real issue beneath the illusion.
The subject of your complaints and unmet expectations are a facade of the deeper issue that is really the culprit for your life feeling more like struggle and pain than joy and bliss.
The culprit lies inside choosing self-worth over self-hate.
Step Three: Expose underlying beliefs and assumptions.
How you make the choice between heaven or hell -- or self-worth and self-hate depends on your assumptions and beliefs of whether you feel worthy, good enough or deserving of happiness.
To take yourself from hell to heaven, you must consistently choose to find inner value and inner worth. To do this, you must be willing to become deeply aware of your Self. You must see what overshadows your feelings of worth, so you can send love, kindness and compassion to those places.
Otherwise, your experience of life will always be painful.
Step Four: Accept that you already live in and deserve heaven.
Much of our socializing has taught us to believe that "life is hard," and "you have to suffer," and "you must endure this life" to get the bliss of heaven in your next life.
Challenge these beliefs.
Rather than living this life trying to earn your way to heaven in the next, begin today and every day grounded in the assumption that not only are you are already worthy and deserving of heaven -- but you are already there. All you have to do is claim it.
Step Five: Illuminate your worthiness.
if you want to "go to heaven," it is your journey to illuminate your worthiness of bliss today. The amount of pain and struggle you feel in your life is inversely related to your feelings of worthiness. The more self-love and self-worth you have, the less the pain and struggle you will experience.
Every moment, you are the one who decides heaven or hell. When you decide that you are not worthy of heaven, by default you will experience hell, and thus so will be color of your life.
Step Six: Make self-love your #1 responsibility.
Self-love occurs when you recognize your value and worth. It becomes who you are, when you set your life in alignment with your inner wisdom the part of you who knows what is best for you.
Until you live according to inner law, you will consistently live in disappointment of yourself. This is the seed of self-hate. Living out of alignment with inner law, you will forever live with the sickening feeling that you aren't worthy of joy.
This is because you have failed at your most important responsibility: listening, honoring, and loving yourself.
Failing to live up to this most important responsibility manifests the creation of hell.
When you align with self-love, you reclaim your right to feel worthy of all the joy, love and wisdom in the universe.
I invite you to a new perspective of yourself and of life. Whether your life feels like heaven or hell is dependent on how much you love and cherish you.
When you become a master of self-love, you will see all things as loving and as an experience of heaven. You will no longer be stuck in the chains of fear and pain, because you have the one thing your spirit needs most: your love.
When you feel pain and struggle, sift through the rubble of "the story" you are telling yourself for why your situation shouldn't be, and seek out the part of you that feels unworthy or unloved. Then, look that wounded part of yourself in the eye, and ask them what they need to feel loved. Whatever it is, give it to yourself, and re-align with the transforming powers of self-love.
Each time you make this choice, notice how your perception of yourself and your life changes. Watch as you step from hell into heaven.
Copyright 2005 Coco Fossland
Through the ups and downs of life, it can seem at times, as though the quality of our lives is dependent on the people, situations, and conditions of the world around us. Yet, to become the powerful creator of our lives, we must be willing to see beyond this short-sighted view of ourselves and our lives.
Whether we are aware of it or not, the choice each of us is constantly making is the choice of picking between heaven or hell. The truth is, every moment, each of us decides. There is no outside force that decides. We choose it every moment.
The comedy is that even though we have the choice -- usually people pick the experience of hell over heaven.
To see whether you are currently living in heaven or hell, look around your life. On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being hell and 10 being heaven, where would you rank your life?
This week, observe your thoughts and words.
How often and about what do you complain?
How often and about what are you disappointed?
At what frequency do you wish things could be different than they are?
How often are others letting you down and not meeting your expectations?
How often are you letting yourself down?
Focusing on complaints, disappointments, should be's, and unmet expectations creates the illusion of hell.
To have a life a bliss, you must be willing to challenge the assumption that the root of our dissatisfaction is really about the complaints and unmet expectations that dribble out uncontrollably out of your mouth.
Step One: Clean up your thoughts and language.
Catch yourself before that same old complaint indomitably burps out of your mouth. Choose your language carefully.
Before you tell yourself, "I have to wash the dishes," notice that you really don't have to. Even if you're at gunpoint -- which I entirely doubt you are -- it's still a choice -- to do the dishes or not.
Adjust your language to be both more accurate and empowering. An example would be, "I choose to wash the dishes now rather than later, because I know how great it feels to walk into a clean kitchen." Step Two: See the real issue beneath the illusion.
The subject of your complaints and unmet expectations are a facade of the deeper issue that is really the culprit for your life feeling more like struggle and pain than joy and bliss.
The culprit lies inside choosing self-worth over self-hate.
Step Three: Expose underlying beliefs and assumptions.
How you make the choice between heaven or hell -- or self-worth and self-hate depends on your assumptions and beliefs of whether you feel worthy, good enough or deserving of happiness.
To take yourself from hell to heaven, you must consistently choose to find inner value and inner worth. To do this, you must be willing to become deeply aware of your Self. You must see what overshadows your feelings of worth, so you can send love, kindness and compassion to those places.
Otherwise, your experience of life will always be painful.
Step Four: Accept that you already live in and deserve heaven.
Much of our socializing has taught us to believe that "life is hard," and "you have to suffer," and "you must endure this life" to get the bliss of heaven in your next life.
Challenge these beliefs.
Rather than living this life trying to earn your way to heaven in the next, begin today and every day grounded in the assumption that not only are you are already worthy and deserving of heaven -- but you are already there. All you have to do is claim it.
Step Five: Illuminate your worthiness.
if you want to "go to heaven," it is your journey to illuminate your worthiness of bliss today. The amount of pain and struggle you feel in your life is inversely related to your feelings of worthiness. The more self-love and self-worth you have, the less the pain and struggle you will experience.
Every moment, you are the one who decides heaven or hell. When you decide that you are not worthy of heaven, by default you will experience hell, and thus so will be color of your life.
Step Six: Make self-love your #1 responsibility.
Self-love occurs when you recognize your value and worth. It becomes who you are, when you set your life in alignment with your inner wisdom the part of you who knows what is best for you.
Until you live according to inner law, you will consistently live in disappointment of yourself. This is the seed of self-hate. Living out of alignment with inner law, you will forever live with the sickening feeling that you aren't worthy of joy.
This is because you have failed at your most important responsibility: listening, honoring, and loving yourself.
Failing to live up to this most important responsibility manifests the creation of hell.
When you align with self-love, you reclaim your right to feel worthy of all the joy, love and wisdom in the universe.
I invite you to a new perspective of yourself and of life. Whether your life feels like heaven or hell is dependent on how much you love and cherish you.
When you become a master of self-love, you will see all things as loving and as an experience of heaven. You will no longer be stuck in the chains of fear and pain, because you have the one thing your spirit needs most: your love.
When you feel pain and struggle, sift through the rubble of "the story" you are telling yourself for why your situation shouldn't be, and seek out the part of you that feels unworthy or unloved. Then, look that wounded part of yourself in the eye, and ask them what they need to feel loved. Whatever it is, give it to yourself, and re-align with the transforming powers of self-love.
Each time you make this choice, notice how your perception of yourself and your life changes. Watch as you step from hell into heaven.
Monday, March 10, 2008
Humour - You are not a monk
A man is driving down the road and breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?
The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, and even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound; a sound like no other that he has ever heard. The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, We can't tell you. You're not a monk.
The man is disappointed but thanks them anyway and goes about his merry way. Some years later, the same man breaks down in front of the same monastery. The monks again accept him, feed him, and even fix his car. That night, he hears the same strange mesmerizing sound that he had heard years earlier. The next morning, he asks what the sound was, but the monks reply, We can't tell you. You're not a monk.
The man says, All right, all right. I'm dying to know. If the only way I can find out what that sound was, is to become a monk, how do I become a monk?
The monks reply, you must travel the earth and tell us how many blades of grass there are and the exact number of sand pebbles. When you find these numbers, you will become a monk. The man sets about his task. Some forty-five years later, he returns and knocks on the door of the monastery. He says, I have travelled the earth and devoted my life to the task demanded and have found what you had asked for. There are 371,145,236,284,232 blades of grass and 231,281,219,999,129,382 sand pebbles on the earth.
The monks reply, Congratulations, you are correct and now you are a monk. We shall now show you the way to the sound. The monks lead the man to a wooden door, where the head monk says, the sound is behind that door. The man reaches for the knob, but the door is locked. He asks, May I have the key?
The monks give him the key, and he opens the door. Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone. The man requests the key to the stone door. The monks give him the key, and he opens it, only to find a door made of ruby. He demands another key from the monks, who provide it. Behind that door is another door, this one made of sapphire. And so it went until the man had gone through doors of emerald,... ...silver, topaz and amethyst.
Finally, the monks say, This is the key to the last door. The man is relieved to no end. He unlocks the door, turns the knob, and behind that door he is astonished to find the source of that strange sound. It is truly an amazing and unbelievable sight.
Scroll down.....
The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, and even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound; a sound like no other that he has ever heard. The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, We can't tell you. You're not a monk.
The man is disappointed but thanks them anyway and goes about his merry way. Some years later, the same man breaks down in front of the same monastery. The monks again accept him, feed him, and even fix his car. That night, he hears the same strange mesmerizing sound that he had heard years earlier. The next morning, he asks what the sound was, but the monks reply, We can't tell you. You're not a monk.
The man says, All right, all right. I'm dying to know. If the only way I can find out what that sound was, is to become a monk, how do I become a monk?
The monks reply, you must travel the earth and tell us how many blades of grass there are and the exact number of sand pebbles. When you find these numbers, you will become a monk. The man sets about his task. Some forty-five years later, he returns and knocks on the door of the monastery. He says, I have travelled the earth and devoted my life to the task demanded and have found what you had asked for. There are 371,145,236,284,232 blades of grass and 231,281,219,999,129,382 sand pebbles on the earth.
The monks reply, Congratulations, you are correct and now you are a monk. We shall now show you the way to the sound. The monks lead the man to a wooden door, where the head monk says, the sound is behind that door. The man reaches for the knob, but the door is locked. He asks, May I have the key?
The monks give him the key, and he opens the door. Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone. The man requests the key to the stone door. The monks give him the key, and he opens it, only to find a door made of ruby. He demands another key from the monks, who provide it. Behind that door is another door, this one made of sapphire. And so it went until the man had gone through doors of emerald,... ...silver, topaz and amethyst.
Finally, the monks say, This is the key to the last door. The man is relieved to no end. He unlocks the door, turns the knob, and behind that door he is astonished to find the source of that strange sound. It is truly an amazing and unbelievable sight.
Scroll down.....
But I still can't tell you what it is because YOU are not a monk. DONT SWEAR AT ME; I'M STILL HUNTING FOR THE IDIOT WHO SENT THIS TO ME!
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